Month: January 2010

  • Summing Up My Entire Life Part 1

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    I,like every living thing in this
    world was born.Like most people,
    I was born with high expectations
    placed on my shoulders.

    As a new baby in this world, I did
    not expect of what to come. The ups
    and downs of what was going to happen
    in just a few short years.The turmoil
    that would make me into the person
    who I am today.

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    At the age of seven, I had moved to a new
    school. Completely out of place, I managed
    to make a few friends. These friends, would
    give my life many memories, most good but
    some bad as well.

    Starting my first grade year, I met Skyler,
    the craziest kid I would ever know. He not
    only ignited my love for scary movies, he
    made me the very strange person I am today.
    At recess, when Skyler and I would play, I
    was always picked on. Picked on by a girl
    I would eventually make ammends with, and
    become best friends with.Although, she made
    recess miserable some days, my friends would
    always stick up for me. My friends Renee and
    Brenique come to mind when I think of this.
    They would always stand in front of me to
    protect me from the verbal and sometimes
    physical attacks from my bully.

    Thinking about first grade, it reminds me
    of all the times I’ve had in class. I
    remember Skyler cut his tongue with scissors
    (what a Dumbas-) and there was this kid
    who ALWAYS ate his boogers, up until the 5th
    grade I believe.

    Aside from school, first grade is when my
    memories of pain happened..when my dad found
    a new woman in his life. I didn’t understand
    what was going on at the time, all I knew is
    he didn’t want mommy or me anymore, which was
    painful to even try and comprehend. As months,
    went by, I gradually accepted the fact that
    there was a new woman in everyone’s life. I
    even grew to like her, and even thought of
    her almost as a stepmother. Eventually,things
    went downhill. The woman who I thought would
    have been my stepmother abandoned my father..
    ironic how things work right? She left, taking
    what she could leaving only more problems for
    my family.

  • Lost and Longing

    Most of my life I have wanted
    nothing more than to know
    who I am, to be accepted by
    my parents. I see now, that
    I will never ever have that.
    Especially when it comes to
    my mother.

    I have never ever pleased her
    during my adolescent years,
    nor have I pleased her in my
    recent teenage days. The
    constant belittling kills me.
    It breaks me down into what
    seems like nothing. No matter
    how hard I try, I fail yet
    another time in attempts to
    make my mother happy. 

    On an everyday basis, she
    always finds a way to make me
    feel unworthy. I’m not
    independent enough, I’m not
    smart enough, every single
    opinion or life choice I want
    to make is stupid. That’s
    what she tells me anyways.

    It’s quite ironic though, when
    I try to make independent
    choices, she tells me not to
    make them. When I’m out
    with friends just for a couple
    hours, she tells me to come
    home. I don’t get her logic.
    She won’t let me live my life.
    That’s all I’m longing for, to
    live the life I’ve been longing
    for so I won’t feel lost anymore.