January 8, 2010

• Lost and Longing

  Most of my life I have wanted
  nothing more than to know
  who I am, to be accepted by
  my parents. I see now, that
  I will never ever have that.
  Especially when it comes to
  my mother.
  

  I have never ever pleased her
  during my adolescent years,
  nor have I pleased her in my
  recent teenage days. The
  constant belittling kills me.
  It breaks me down into what
  seems like nothing. No matter
  how hard I try, I fail yet
  another time in attempts to
  make my mother happy. 

  On an everyday basis, she
  always finds a way to make me
  feel unworthy. I'm not
  independent enough, I'm not
  smart enough, every single
  opinion or life choice I want
  to make is stupid. That's
  what she tells me anyways.
  
  It's quite ironic though, when
  I try to make independent
  choices, she tells me not to
  make them. When I'm out
  with friends just for a couple
  hours, she tells me to come
  home. I don't get her logic.
  She won't let me live my life.
  That's all I'm longing for, to
  live the life I've been longing
  for so I won't feel lost anymore.

  • 12:28 am
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