I have noticed, I always let seemingly impossible obstacles and negative things in general eat away at my confidence. I let it defeat me, and I always feel like giving up. Of course I never end up giving up, if I did I wouldn’t have made it this far in life. I’m afraid though, if I keep letting difficult situations get to me, that one day I will give up.

So all I can do is dance and get over it ^^ Damn you Allstar Weekend and your teeny bopper music, why must you be so catchy!?

How can you see the world with your eyes half shut?
Claiming you’re open minded when you’re anything but
Held back by your prejudice, you’re caught in a rut
Old habits die hard but you need to come unstuck.
‘Cause ignorance breeds ignorance & hatred breeds hatred
It transcends generations, that’s what makes me frustrated
Killing innocence by planting seeds of evil
Corrupted by deluded minds who say we’re made unequal
Things may have changed since MLK but people still hate people
It’s like we’re trapped in the same movie & not moved on to the sequel.

Twisted preachers & teachers & motivational speakers
Sociopaths & leeches spitting venomous speeches
We don’t need them to reach us when it’s hatred they teach us
It’s essential that we trust those who seek to enrich us.

Why can’t you look at the whole picture?
Just seeing what you want to see & misquoting scriptures
Taking them out of context & creating your own rules
But if Jesus suddenly returned do you think he’d be proud of you?
Neo-Nazis masquerading as politicians
Say our culture’s been polluted, we’re losing sight of our tradition
Trying to fulfil Enoch Powell’s vision
Preying on the vulnerable, spreading paranoia & superstition.
We need to look at life from various perspectives
Love, compassion & progression should be our universal objectives
So we can create a space where every faith, opinion & custom is respected
& ultimately no one is marginalised or neglected.
& that’s all well said & done, but what’s the solution?
Can I leave this open-ended with no conclusion?

Today, like everyday my mom went to the park and walked my dog Eddie. I didn’t really think much of it, I mean..if you live the same life everyday you don’t really expect anything bad to happen. Right?

After awhile of my mom being gone, my dad gets a phone call from her. She’s crying and is acting quite hysterical over the phone. Of course no one tells me anything so all I hear is “He’s what? How much blood is there?” then my dad starts yelling at her and then tells me Eddie might die. I’m freaking out, and I have no clue what is going on because once again, no one tells me anything. Turns out, while my mom was walking him, another woman was walking her dog and they crossed paths. Like the person my mom is, she let Eddie fulfill his urges to run to the other dog and smell him. Apparently the other dog didn’t take well to this and bit Eddie’s neck (leaving two puncture wounds) and shook him violently.

Turns out, Eddie’s a little soldier and is doing not nearly as bad as my parents reacted.

So what have I learned today? Neither of my parents can handle serious situations appropriately, and my dog is one of the toughest dogs I know.

Today while I was working, I was talking to my regular customers and they taught me how to pull hair the proper way..yet again. I’m not sure how many lessons in this I need or want, but these old guys are pretty interesting characters. They’re your stereotypical loud mouthed, racist, extremely opinionated war veterans (but between you and me…one of them thinks the government is watching us always…O_O. I think he’s had one too many cup of joes if you get me.)

Anyways, they kept asking me what it’s like to be a Native American..and I was extremely amused, so I asked them to see what tribe they thought I was from. They kept guessing, and then I was like nahhh you guys I’m half Chinese..so they started laughing and making Chinese jokes. Then, one of them decided to pull a pervy on me and make some strange joke about hamburgers, but tried to make it sexual. I think it went something like “see the security over there? does he ever ask if he can have some of your hamburger?” I mean..come onnn (and the “security” is an old mailman..they have a feud going..I won’t get into that)

But I’ve realized that with some people..you start out being immature, then you grow up, and then you go down hill again. Just like babies poo their pants, then you grow up, and then old people start to lose control of their bowels. The circle of life is really annoying sometimes.

Last weekend my boyfriend and his roommates threw a major party. There was an entire case of wine, several packs of beer, and many bottles of sake..not to mention all the jagerbombs that they provided. I didn’t participate in this drinking party since my work duties would soon call me in the morning.

The next day when I went back to my boyfriend’s I just couldn’t help but want to throw up. There was vomit all over their bathroom floor, which between you and me…I did not know vomit could be such a bright shade of orange…pretty disgusting (Ask Jodie, she saw the vivid oranges in there *cringe*). I asked Pin what kind of shinanigans went down the previous night, and he couldn’t even remember. What he could remember was pretty disgusting though. Turns out a girl had drank one too many jagerbombs and puked all over my friend’s shirt. Now, I’m not an expert at drinking…but if you feel like you’re going to throw up shouldn’t you stop? I mean, I may drink during dinners with my Korean friends (which was a total of two very wonderful times) but I would never get wasted.

Anyways, my boyfriend..he’s wonderful and all and I want him to stop drinking so much at parties…but I don’t think he will. I just got done texting him just now (which brings on this blog). How does one convince a loved one to stop drinking so much to the point they throw up? I mean, I worry about him. He smokes like a chimney. I just want him to stop, I have had a grandpa die from smoking related illnesses, I don’t want that for him too. Plus of him throwing up so much, and passing out, I’m worried he’ll do something stupid..like alcohol poisoning. It’s all so strange to me.

So Michael Aranda (youtuber) went to England to stay for six weeks. Someone from the embassy wrote six months. Eventually, he went to France to visit…and they wouldn’t let him get back into England. Watch video below for full story.

And please sign this petition to help him get back to the United States.
http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/michaelaranda

I have been unintentionally staring at you for the past ten minutes…as much as I try not to stare..it’s just not possible. I mean…exactly how many times a day does a guy adjust their ball sack? It’s a thought that I cannot seem to fathom, I mean..we are in our university’s library…and you’re sitting directly across from me “adjusting” your testes. I have begun to start a ball adjustment count..and it’s been like four times in the past ten minutes or so.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I have heard guys complain about having SBS (sticky ball syndrome) but it’s not even humid outside. In fact, it’s rather chilly. So I get how it can probably be annoying and uncomfortable, but do you have no shame? I mean, no one wants to see you full on grab your crotch and yank and do whatever else you choose to do in between these ten minutes.

I might not understand, or have a sack to adjust..but I see no reason for you to touch your ball sack so often in the ten minutes we are unfortunately sharing together. With how many times you have touched yourself so far, I am surprised you haven’t shoved your hand down your pants to play some strange version of tether ball.

Either way, you’re distracting me majorly.

Working on the weekends is really starting to blow. I mean, I had to leave hanging out with my friends today at 8:00 so I could make it home and get ready for bed. I mean honestly, how is a girl supposed to enjoy three sake shots, Bud Light, and Korean specialty wine knowing she has to wake up at 4:00 am to make it to work? T___T apparently the answer to that is you can’t enjoy it.

My mom and I have always had this bond that neither of us really realized. I suppose the reason to this is because…our relationship has never smooth. You’re probably wondering why, and all I can really say is that both of our lives are unfortunately dysfunctional.

Let me give you a little background to her past life…

My mother married my dad, and left her entire family in Taiwan. Basically trading in a perfectly good life for something well…not so good. Such a misconception she had. My mother married my dad thinking that he could stand on two feet, that he had money (and not in the wealthy way, but just having money in general). She was wrong.

My dad couldn’t afford much of anything, so they ended up living in a really crappy apartment (the kind located in the white trash part of town). My mother had to buy a lot of the things they needed, such as a mattress and other things that you need to have a slightly “comfortable” lifestyle. Sadly this wasn’t the only thing leading to her miserable life.

My dad’s personality contributed greatly to that. Basically, my father has a vulgar sense of humor, still does actually…which my mother doesn’t enjoy one bit. His vulgarity often contains content such as: harsh racism, homosexuality, violence, belittlement, and etc. So as you can see, living with such a person 24/7 can equal to the annoyance of that nat flying around your face in the dreadful summer heat..if not worse. Another gem about my dad is that he has no patience at all..and when he loses it his anger is rather explosive. This led…and still leads to constant fights.

During the time I was around seven years old, maybe eight life had gotten a little better (living wise that is). We moved into the greatest house I had ever lived in, and it wasn’t all that magnificent really. It was just out of the projects that we had lived in previously (the place they lived in after the apartments). Anyways, during this year my dad had gotten into major debt..around the $10,000 mark. Turns out, he was cheating on my mom with some gold digger of a woman..even planned on marrying her. When she milked him of all he had, she left.. and we lost our house.

My mom and I ended up moving into an apartment, and since she was so harsh (being Chinese) and my dad was laid back and such I was upset. I never really understood the situation, but all I knew is I didn’t want them to be apart. I didn’t like how my mom was so harsh on me, I just wanted to be with my dad. He let me do whatever I wanted. He had cable, and I could watch it as long as I wanted. I didn’t need to practice piano, I could just be laid back with him.

Fast forwarding through the rest of the dysfunction…basically my mom and I fought all the time because she was harsh on me. A tiger mom if you will.

It sadly only took me until this year to realize just how much my mom has been there for me. Even through all the really awful arguments we have had (and when I say awful, I mean awful) she has always forgiven me. She has never left my side, and I was too selfish to realize this. I never really seemed to notice my mom’s unhappiness. I was too blind and selfish to. When I had friends and two parents, my mom had only me..and I wasn’t even there for her. How awful of a daughter am I?

Well this year I am really trying to put my mom before anyone else in my life. I want to do my best in school to make her proud. To talk to her in Chinese when she has no one else to talk to. To save money so she can visit her family in Taiwan. All these things I want to do, and more. I want my mom to know that just like she hasn’t left my side, I won’t leave hers. I will be the best (and only) daughter and friend that she has ever had.

Anyways. I called my mother at work for the first time to have a conversation with her. I spoke to her in Chinese, and read a Chinese childrens’ chant to her about monkeys. It really made her day, and it was then that I realized with small gestures such as so..that it really does go a long way. So have you called your mother today?

By the way, in no way am I bashing on my father because I love him to death as well. He has made such progress since my parent’s divorce, and I can see he is really trying to be the father he hasn’t been in the past. We all have made big changes throughout these past few years..and although still rocky life is getting better.

hum hum :3 I can turn into Clark Kent to Hipster in one easy transformation.