September 20, 2011

• Stuck in a fantasy

  

  I don’t know who I am, I’m a stranger to myself. I’m not exactly sure what I want out of my life anymore. The goals I once had are now vanished. The ridicule I face everyday makes my goals crumble, the ideas I think of seem almost unachievable, and following my heart near impossible. It’s like I’m stuck in time, every minute feels the same.

  My life is so routine I like to escape into this fantasy world in my mind. Sometimes I wonder if it’s something mental, or if it’s just the opposite and it’s my way of not going insane. Whatever it is, it makes living in reality dreadful. I spend hours dreaming up the perfect life, the perfect man, the perfect me. I get so lost in my mind…this world in my head makes me feel alive, like I’m not completely worthless. It makes me feel free.

  There are days I can be so emotionless I can’t tell if I’m even a human being. The only true emotion I’ve ever felt was sadness, and strangely enough it comforts me. Those days that I have felt emotionless, I spent time beating myself up and pinning every problem to me. I go out of my way sometimes to feel sadness..just to feel something.

  I’m damaged goods, I’ve finally owned up to that.

  • 9:19 pm
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