It’s getting colder, but my crave for ice cream has been growing. There’s just something about frozen yogurt or ice cream that just gets me so excited. It could be it’s beautiful simplicity, or the glorious taste behind it. Either way, I’m always in love with it.

This is delicious mango frozen yogurt, and it was a small~

I don’t have much to say since I wasn’t here at home all day. I just have progress photographs.

(this is my bathroom floor, or lack thereof)

Let me note that the man doing this is a 73 year old man who is doing this all by himself. I really admire this guy. He’s been hurting for money lately, yet another downer with this economy. Anyways, he’s such a friendly man and gets along with pretty much everyone in my family. I don’t know, I kind of grown a fondness for him. Actually, my dad has too. I think my dad has made a new friend (and he normally doesn’t get along with anyone). I hope this guy sticks around even after the business and construction is done. My dad could use a buddy to talk with, my mom too. One miracle at a time I suppose.

I guess this bathroom obstacle is a miracle. I read a quote somewhere, it went something like “things fall apart so things can fall together”. That’s definitely something notable during the tough times.

http://www.kandeej.com/2011/10/warning-your-hair-dye-can-kill-you.html

Just a little blog I’d share with you.

*Edit*
This is some serious stuff, I actually went through a PPD allergic reaction two years ago. Was covered head to toe in swollen skin and hives. It wasn’t pretty.

My dad is a janitor, my mom is a “receptionist” at a factory, and I am a full time college student who only works twelve hours on the weekends. My family don’t really live life as freely as they’d like too, especially since money is so tight (and with this bathroom ordeal). I can feel the worries rise, the stress, and the tension. My parents just can’t seem to catch a break.

When they’re not fighting about financial problems, they’re fearing about their health, or fearing their jobs. My mother for example was told that they’re going to retire her in a year or two because it’s getting to that time. My mom fears everyday that they will turn that one or two years into a few months. My dad always worries about his health, taking constant pills to control his blood pressure, diabetes, and etc. Then on top of that, there’s me worrying about my personal life/problems and theirs. It’s always been this difficult for my family for as long as I can remember, and it’s getting to that point where I don’t know what to do.

On top of school, I’m trying to find a more suitable job. One that I don’t have to wake up at 4 am for, one that gives me more hours, and one that fits my schedule better. My search for a more suitable job isn’t really working out too well. My school schedule is awkward, so everywhere I apply just doesn’t want to hire me. What a drag. I’m also getting to that point in life where it’s about time for me to move out, to not only fly away from the nest, but to benefit my parents financially so they’ll have one less person to worry about.

I’m not really sure where my life is going. I just hope that whenever this major obstacle is over, something wonderful happens for my parents. They work so hard, and they deserve a break. Much more than anyone I know.

My bathtub/toilet have been leaking a great amount of water over the years. You would figure my family and I would have noticed, but we didn’t. Nevertheless, it became such an obvious hindrance that we called people to check everything out. Turns out, it’s so rotted that we could fall through the floor while on the can, or taking a shower.

I would go into more detail, but talking about a bathroom throughout an entire blog would be entirely boring. Let’s just say, starting today we’ll be without a working bathroom for three weeks and have to resort to a port a potty. How very glam right? We’re basically going to have to bum off people’s showers for the time being. So fun.

Just for the fun of it, I’m probably going to post the “metamorphosis” of my family’s bathroom.

(for the record, I didn’t even know that window existed there)

Into an old Asian lady xD che

If you don’t know who he is, he plays Lex Luthor on Smallville. He was born in a town around twenty minutes away from mine, and comes around every year. He’s pretty much a big deal to our little area, and our little city and town are a big deal to him. In fact, just last Friday his high school gave him a tribute and awarded him with quite a few things and memorabilia.

Well, just so happens he’s making a film about my town and his, and he’ll start filming next year. How exciting right? Especially for small towns like these.

He’s just so inspirational for those who want to become actors and actresses like he is. I mean, he came from somewhere I know, somewhere I’ve been. He was a small town person just like me, and now he’s a star. Even though he’s famous, he still has a lot of charm and class as well (I know this personally, but will get into that later). It’s also really wonderful to know that even though he’s a big time star now, that he still remembers his hometown, and still respects where he came from.

He makes me want to try my hardest now. Knowing he’s here right now, gives me that extra push to do my best, and gives me that inspiration and fire I need to succeed.

Do you have any famous/inspirational people from your town?

Around a year ago I had this fling. Being the lonely and desperate girl I was at the time, I told this guy I loved him a little too soon. Anyways, I ended up breaking things off, and to this day he won’t leave me alone. I’m not really sure of what I should do since he doesn’t live near me now.

He stalks my blogs, and still texts me.

I know I should keep my blog private and get a new phone numbers but there are people that like to read my blogs that don’t have a xanga, and I’m broke at the moment and can’t get a new number for my phone (prepaid bleh). I’m really not sure of what to do.

He really makes me feel uncomfortable, so I’m pretty sure at some point soon I’ll put my blog on private, but as for my phone..what to do? There are months where he won’t make any contact with me, but then out of the blue I’ll always get these texts from odd numbers. It’ll just be a “hi” or a “hey”. I don’t really think too much about it because this sort of thing happens quite often. In fact, just recently I got a text from him. I didn’t know it was him since it was from a number I didn’t recognize so I texted it back. Well, it started as a “how are you?” and I did the usual “Who is this?”. Surprise surprise, I got a text back telling me it was him and how “he just wants to be friends”. I saw right through that and said I don’t believe this, and told him to please stop texting me. I realize the smart thing to do was to completely ignore it all together. Then he said something along the lines of “I’ll wait for you forever, I love you” yadda yadda yadda. I didn’t text back.

Anyways, he scares the crap out of me for being like this. For being so stalkery and creepy. I sometimes think I’ll bump into him and he’ll be the type to do the whole “IF I CAN’T HAVE YOU, NOBODY WILL” and then axe murder me in my own home. Maybe I’m looking too into this. But you can never be too careful with people.

Thoughts?

I used to think that being in a relationship was everything. To have somebody, to love somebody, to miss somebody, to wake up to that special face every morning. The truth is, I don’t have any of this anymore. I used to, and maybe still do. Things are just not where I was expecting things to be.

I do everything for this guy, for this once special person. I baked him a cake when we fought, I cleaned his room and made it special for him when he returned from being away from me for two months…I baked him cookies just because. I never really got a thanks. He cooks dinner for me and his friends, he calls that romantic (maybe in his mind it is). I don’t think I’ve ever been on a real date with him except for once or twice. He doesn’t try to do special things for me, and I’m just tired.

He says he loves me, and maybe that’s true. Yet, in the back of my mind I keep thinking that he doesn’t really know what that is. In my mind I think if you love somebody, you don’t necessarily have to be romantic all the time, but once in a blue moon, or at least let them know you appreciate them. At least show them that you care about their thoughts, not laugh at every serious thing that comes out of their mouth. If you love somebody, don’t constantly belittle them, or joke around by calling them fat, stupid, or ugly despite them telling you that those jokes hurt.

I just don’t know what to do.

I think I’ve fallen out of love with the man I fought so hard to win back. Ironic isn’t it? Despite having all of these conflicted feelings, the most wonderful of things happened. The guy I used to be so madly in love with two years ago (even though I never technically met him…online relationships…got to love them) sent me a package. It had memories from our past. This package contained the shirts I told him I wanted to wear, our panda “babies” that he wanted to give me because they were my favorite animal, trinkets, stickers, and a note that said how I will always have a place and piece of his heart. That he’s sorry for not always treating me the way I should be treated, that he loves me. I felt special.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I want to drop everything here to be with my love from a long time ago, but it opened my eyes. I deserve to be treated like this. I’m not some rag doll that’s just here to give somebody the love and affection they want, I deserve to get just as much back.

It’s just difficult to understand my feelings. I don’t know what my heart is feeling, if it’s just temporarily numb, or if it’s telling me I should just end this chapter of my life and start a new one. I can’t tell whether my heart is just tired, or if it needs to quit. I sometimes wonder if all relationships are like this, if this is why some people choose to be single.

I do know that I have an ideal guy, and I will have someone like that one day. I may be asking for a lot, but I’ll wait for as long as I can until someone like this comes along. He’ll be realistic, but he’ll have the most amazing heart. He will care about me just as much as I care about him, and never take me for granted. When I talk, he won’t just hear me, but he’ll listen to every word. He will remember all the important details I tell him, just as I will do for him. When I do gestures of love for him, he won’t just look at them and say “thanks” but he’ll truly appreciate everything. He won’t tell me that he always puts me last, but that I am an equal to his friends. If we ever get married, he will be the one that comes home and looks excited to see me. He will be the daddy that will bake cookies and make a mess with our children. He will go out of his way once every blue moon to let me know how special I am…and when I’m sad he won’t try to comfort me, but just let me cry in his arms.

Maybe I’m asking for too much, but I can wait.

Every year (for 90 years now) my hometown has something called the Fall Festival. People from every state close by flocks to our small city of 100,000 or so people to celebrate fall and enjoy it’s festivities. It lasts for one week, and an entire section of the west side of the city is closed down so people can enjoy food, rides, and games. It’s the most exciting event that the city holds.

I didn’t get to stay long, but I thought I would share some photographs that I took.