July 21, 2012

• Dear Parents, sorry for lying.

  Two weeks I broke up with my boyfriend of almost two years. It was a really big decision to make, and it absolutely killed my soul. He was my first love, my first boyfriend, and my first real kiss. To end things made my life seem easier and more difficult all at the same time, but neither of you seemed to notice.

  I broke up with him because our lives were going in different directions, and if we didn’t end things now, it would only get harder in the future. He also wasn’t there for me emotionally, he thought buying my love was a good enough way to show me love. Even after I told him countless times that all I wanted was him to be there for me with his heart, and not with his wallet, he still never listened. I never told you the details because I knew you wouldn’t exactly understand, so I only told you the surface of things.

  Dad, I told you first because you woke up to me crying. When I told you what happened, you told me if things were meant to be with him we would eventually find our way back to each other. I thought it was something that was sweet of you to say, especially since you never exactly say things like that. I then asked you not to tell mom because she isn’t exactly gentle when it comes to comforting people. Well, you ended up telling her anyways. I guess that’s the parental code or something, but you told her a vague version of what I told you. Including that his mother didn’t like me.

  I ended up hanging out with some friends that night, and it was around 9 pm when I got a phone call from mom. She was screaming at me telling me that my curfew was 10:00 and I better come home now or that my car will be taken away. From what I had recalled, it was discussed that my curfew was at midnight. My curfew being deducted a few hours on the night I needed away from life just wasn’t cutting it, so I came home at 10:30. Mom started yelling at me telling me I no longer had a car, and that I don’t deserve to have any form of freedom. She also stated that we had discussed that my curfew was at 10:00 pm now, which we most certainly never talked about. She then started tearing me apart, saying that his mother despised me and that I’m not good enough for a Chinese to date. I’m not sure why she decided to tell me these things, especially on the night of my break up, but she did. Mom went on to say I was worthless, not smart enough, and a few other things that I’ve decided to block from my memory. I just laid there on the floor curled up in a ball crying, something that I’m so used to doing in our house. I couldn’t stand being emotionally abused like that, so I left the house. Mom yelled at me saying to come back inside, but I ignored her and decided to walk to my friends house.

  Before I go into more details about that night, let me talk about someone very quickly.

  Over the past few months, I’ve been questioning how I felt about my now ex boyfriend. Then all of a sudden a month ago this boy that I’ve known since I was eleven appeared into my life again.
  We never really talked before, and since it’s been two years since we talked after high school, we’ve decided to catch up. We immediately had a connection, and it is quite rare for me to feel comfortable around the male gender so easily. Eventually, the boy and I started spending time with each other more and more, and I soon felt feelings for him while still in a relationship with my boyfriend at the time. I felt so confused because the new boy in my life is and was the only person in my life that has ever made me feel like a person. He made me feel beautiful, smart, funny, and he didn’t even have to try to make me feel these things; the feelings just naturally happened. He looked at me like I was the most beautiful person in the world, and I have never once been looked at like that before.

  Back to that night.

  As I was walking to my friend’s house, I called him crying. I told him what I was doing, and he told me he didn’t want me walking around at night, so he came to get me. He took me to my friend’s house, and we went to the gas station so he could put some fuel in his car. It just so happened to be the same gas station where he worked, and his coworker who was there had just had surgery. He told us to wait in the car so he could walk her home. Then after that we went to Wal-Mart so I could pick up some food because I hadn’t eaten yet. Apparently mom called you and made it sound like I went missing or I had been kidnapped me, so you called me leaving me voicemails saying if I didn’t get home you were going to kick my ass.

  I could stand being at home, so I lied at said one of my friends would be going to Florida and that I was going to dog sit. I know I shouldn’t have lied, but I couldn’t stand all this yelling anymore. It is like that at home every day of my life, and I couldn’t stand it anymore. During that week I never did anything bad, I never do anything bad, and you should know that. I guess because I’m so secretive and lied to you about last week I’ve lost both of your trust. I understand, and I’m so sorry, especially since Wednesday you were worried sick about me. My phone was dead when you guys called me seven times, and when I never answered you, you did the right thing to check up on me. When you found out my friend never left, and that I had been house hopping for the past few days you guys were extremely angry. I apologize for that, but I wish you guys would look at the situation from a broader point of view too.

  Well, I better end this letter now. Dad’s yelling at me for typing so loud.

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