If you’re unsure of what dermatillomania is, you wouldn’t be the first one. I didn’t even know it was an existing condition until this year, and it’s something I’ve had my entire life.

Dermatillomania is a skin disorder that results in the self harming of skin. (Ex: picking, scratching, etc.)

A person with this, such as myself, can go to great lengths to destroy their skin. They can pick their skin from anywhere if they find flaws within it. An example might be, if a person has acne, they might pick at their pimples and scars continuously to the point where it basically never heals. Just about any area of the skin can be targeted and picked. My main picking spots are my fingertips and toes, just because these are places that aren’t looked at constantly like a face would be.

It’s actually a fairly common disorder, and most people might not even realize they’re doing it. I know that when I pick at my skin, I do it because it relieves a lot of tension, anxiety, and stress.I even do it just for the simple fact that I’m bored. I’ve been doing this since I was in elementary school, so now I just do it so frequently that I’m unaware that I’m doing so.

It gets quite painful after awhile too, and it’s become an addiction. I’ve actually read that it’s so addicting, that you need therapy to quit doing it. I know for me, I’ve tried stopping for many years, but I simply can’t. It’s not like having a smoking problem where you can buy a nicotine patch. I wish it were that easy though, that would be great!

—I’ll make a second part to this, my class is starting soon.

Since I was sick and I couldn’t join the aegyo contest, I decided to do a blog of me doing aegyo things instead. Sooo yeah, that’s basically it.

“I’m here with oppa, la de da so happy yesssss”

“Oppaaaaaaa, look at meeeeee…” *poke*

“Oppa ;( jehbahl, look at me! *hmpf*”

*glomps* yaaay hoorayyy

Yup, that was my blog on being aegyo. Yuck! hahah

So this failed concert of mine happened two or three weeks ago. Here are the photos I promised in my last blog about the concert. I’d write descriptions in each one but I feel like shite, and I feel like they’re self explanatory. A short summary on the other hand I can do. The first set is like oh happy day la de da, look at the lovely scenery. The middle set is like, oh shite pancakes, my car is stuck in the middle of the highway at an intersection. Oh, nice police people hoorayyy. Oh crap, my car won’t start with a battery charge noooes!! Oh yay tow truck man. The last set is basically NOTHING CAN BRING ME DOWN! MATISYAHUUU CONCERT IN MY HOMEEE!

My eyes were puffy from crying, but I ended up making the best of the night.

Gah, I’ve had the flu since Thanksgiving. Being bed ridden sucks, especially if you wake up to this >_<

Being cheap pays off. I’m a damn gift wrapping genius!!! Now only about a million gifts to go x.x

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I’ve been looking at who has recently visited me lately, and I saw that some of the websites that referred the reader to me was a search engine. I’m a curious person, so I wanted to see what the person typed in to find me. I AM SO GLAD I DID! CAUSE IT’S HILARIOUS!

Here are the screenshots I took from my iPad.

I really need to learn how to word my blogs better!

Also, I apologize to those who are looking to have a good time with their mothers, but my blogs have no instructions on doing so. Maybe you could just ask her or dress up like your dad.

What are the weirdest searches that have led people to you?

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Just something to keep me from depressing myself throughout the day:

Keep on moving to the first rays of dawn
Keeping it on till the day stays strong
Keepin till the night time blazes on
All along I keep singing my song
I said, this phase is always
Sometimes I get so crazed
But just know that I’ll always stay
‘Cause you’re my life through the haze

It’s time for a champion
Soothe the soul of the land
Mend the heart from the sea and the sand
’til the sun comes up again

Reach for the sky
Keep your eye on the prize
Forever in my mind
Be my golden sunshine
It’s raining in your mind
So push them clouds aside
Forever by my side
You’re my golden sunshine

Sunset I let myself down
Found the ground beneath my feet gone
No more words were there to speak
On that day my song was born
Never meant to leave you all alone
Said I’d be your shelter from the storm
Now your clothes have all been torn
Kingdom sacked attacked and dethroned

Reach for the sky
Keep your eye on the prize
Forever in my mind
Be my golden sunshine
It’s raining in your mind
So push them clouds aside
Forever by my side
You‘re my golden sun

It’s the way of the world
You’re on your own
Time to grow and be a man
Want to fly high like Peter Pan
No more Never Never Land
So lose your backpack filled with sand
Come along and take my hand
We’ll walk together, walk forever

Reach for the sky
Keep your eye on the prize
Forever in my mind
Be my golden sunshine
It’s raining in your mind
So push them clouds aside
Forever by my side
Your my golden sunshine

Reach for the sky
Keep your eye on the prize
Forever in my mind
Be my golden sunshine
It’s raining in your mind
So push them clouds aside
Forever by my side
You’re my golden sunshine

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Last night was supposed to be the best night of my life. I mean, how could it not be? I was going to be seeing my inspiration Matisyahu live and possibly even meeting him. How cool right?

If I haven’t mentioned before, he was performing three hours away from my hometown. Two weeks prior to this I decided to drive there with my boyfriend to see him. I mean, the moment I found out that he would be so close to me, I bought the tickets immediately..without any hesitation. In my mind things were going to be great. Hell, the day before we left I got a full service oil change and new tires, so the thought of my car doing anything to me were pretty much nonexistent.

Before we set off on our mini adventure, I put a full tank of gas in my car, I was feeling really good. I was so excited I was thinking of what I was going to do when I saw him (probably cry hysterically due to overwhelming excitement and joy). Things seemed to be going great even though the day was getting gloomy. You would think that even though I was really excited, I would be worry free, but I wasn’t. For our entire drive I had this feeling that something was going to go wrong, and oh was that feeling ever so right.

Within our hour of driving, my car gets quiet, and then suddenly stops in the middle of the highway. TYPICAL!! I mean I should’ve seen this coming with the history my car has with me. Thankfully though, there was a sheriff that came to the rescue. He waited with us and was actually EXTREMELY nice and wonderful. He didn’t have anything to reboot my battery with, so we waited for a jailer to come. Around 20 minutes later he did, and he had spark plugs to help us…but no way could it have been this easy. Charging my battery did NOT work at all…so my only option was to get a tow truck to take us back.

We waited another 20 minutes, and finally the tow truck guy came. He was a pretty friendly guy, and made the drive back no so bad. He said it would cost us around $90 to get back home. We talked about horror movies, bands, Matisyahu, and my unfortunate events the entire time. It was pretty awesome. I wish I could’ve met that dude under different circumstances, but it was what it was. I’m glad I met him though.

When we got to our destination finally, he called his boss to see how much it would really be…yeah…it wasn’t around $90. It was $255 bucks. I’m pretty sure I sh*t my pants when he told me that. The entire time I was optimistic, and it didn’t really hit me. Today of course is a different story, I just feel like I’m bound to bad luck. I’m in an unhappy marriage with it. Bad luck is my old lady, my ball and chain…my forever faithful companion.

What is lucky though, is that prior to all of this happening I prayed to God that if anything did happen to let it not be horrible. I asked him that if something were to happen with my car, to let it not be a wreck. I even told him that since I was sneaking around behind my parents’ back that if I were to face any consequences I would do so. Looks like I did. God, you got jokes, but I’m surprisingly not upset about it. I’m just having a lot of those annoying “what if” thoughts.

What if I didn’t go…
What if…
what if…
what if…

Ah, oh well. We’re safe and back home. Plus, we have a story to tell.

Btw, I took pictures of the day/night we had. I’ll upload them later.

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My entire life I’ve lived by other people’s rules. I have never done anything my way…which was a miserable way to live. It has taken me awhile, but I’m taking baby steps and I guess you could say I’m slowly but surely doing things the HAPPY way.

My first step was a trip to Chicago, my parents knew I was going, but they didn’t know it was with my best friend and boyfriend. I had to lie and say it was with a huge group of people, if they would have known otherwise I would’ve been home bound. Now, it’s horrible that I had to lie, but you would have to fully understand my parents to get why I had to do this.

A brief example would be last summer I WAS going to California with my best friend for a week. Everything paid by us, and we would stay with friends. My dad wanted me to have my two aunts as chaperones keeping an eye on us. I’m 21 years old, an adult, yet I’m not yet allowed to take care of myself. Blah.

Getting to the point.

Sunday I have to drive to a city 3 hours away to go to my very first concert to see my FAVORITE singer, Matisyahu. It’s irresponsible considering I have school the next day, but I don’t care. I feel like it’s something I need to do…and I’m still going to school afterwards so no big, I’ll just be exhausted as hell. On the bright side I’m super excited, and I’ll have an interesting subject to blog about

Ugh. I’m pathetic rebellion at its finest.

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Considering that I dislike both candidates I feel the same.

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