I’ve always known that I have wanted children one day. Now, I know for a fact I’m not ready for motherhood, and I won’t be for a very long time. All I know is, is that I want to adopt a baby from Asia and have one of my own.

I’m not one of those weird people that are infatuated with Asian people, and want to adopt an Asian baby for some weird obsession. You see, I’m half Asian and I grew up in a city that is prodominantly white. I never got to really know people of the same culture as me, and for my entire life I have longed to be part of it. I guess that’s why adopting an Asian child is so important to me. So I can have a child that is a part of my culture, and that I can share something with. Plus, I want to adopt because there are so many children without homes. Why give birth to multiple children, when I could adopt and give a child a loving forever home? They’ll be loved just the same.

I’ve even thought of names I like.

Girls:
-Fionna Violet S.
-Kaileena
-Charlotte
-Amelie
-Aurora

Boys:
-Orlando S.
-Elias
-Milos
-Orion
-Tobias

I must be utterly insane.

Getting into the wedding fantasy portion of my pre life crisis..

I wouldn’t want a huge wedding with people that I never socialize with. I would only want our best of friends there and of course close family. I feel like when some people get married they go ape shit crazy and just want to invite everyone they can to their wedding….but that’s sooo expensive!

I also think winter weddings are so magical. I probably will most likely NOT have one though since my boyfriend absolutely despises the cold weather. I just want my future wedding to be so surreal, that when I look back at our pictures it’ll seem like we were in a fantasy world. I want it to be that perfect! I mean, look at how wonderful these pictures are:

As for the dress, I have no freaking clue. I have a feeling I’ll have to try on like…the entire store until I find the perfect one..which I’m totally okay with. All I know is, I want to look gorgeous. Which brings me to these photographs of grooms seeing their bride for the first time.

These pictures make me all warm and fuzzy inside. I just hope that when I get married, my groom will have the same reaction when he sees me. I want him to be so taken with me that he tears up, because I know I’ll definitely have tears. I want to look so gorgeous that he’ll shit his tuxedo…but seriously I WANT TEARS DAMNIT! Hahaha *simmers down*

With my luck though, when he sees me for the first time it’ll look like this:

*cringe*

That’s all I have to say about that.

This is how I’m going to be until I know Daryl will be okay in February.

I F*CKING SWEAR THOUGH! He’s my favorite character, and I’ve never felt so worried about a fictional character in my life.

F*CK FUC* FUC*

You know how men that are middle aged want to buy sports cars once they’re going through a midlife crisis? Or how women going through menopause want to just relive their life and do something amazing? I think I’m going through the opposite of that.

At the young age of 21 I find myself CONSTANTLY thinking about getting married and having a family. I’m not sure if this is normal, because I have never once had a normal or ordinary thought in my mind..like ever. I guess since I’m nearing that age of settling down, and having an actual grown up life on my own doesn’t seem to be so distant anymore, the thought of marriage tends to linger.

I never was one of those little girls that planned out their weddings. So the fact that I’m thinking about it now is really strange to me. I mean sure, I thought about it when I was younger. I knew I wanted to get married one day, but I never daydreamed about it….not like I do now.

My boyfriend and I have discussed it briefly. We both came to the realization that we want to get married to one another one day, but that was the end of it. I guess since I am a female, I want to plan things out and talk about it more..but A) I don’t want to creep him out B) I don’t want to be annoying and C) It’s way too soon to actually be discussing this any further. I guess that’s why I’m blogging about it now, to get every single strange thought out of my head.

I mean hell, I’ve even thought about what kind of a marriage proposal I’d want. Something big and drastic? Something super cheesy and cliche? Hmm…which one, which one? In all honesty though, I would just want it to be something sweet that he thought of himself. I wouldn’t want anyone around us. To me, I feel like it should be something personal that should just be shared between the two of us. I wouldn’t want a bunch of eyes staring, people making unneccesary applauding sounds, or those aggravating people who make those annoying “awwww” sounds because they feel like they need to be heard. I would want it to feel as if we were the only two people that existed. I’d want it to be completely random as well, ie the two of us doing some daily chore. Then WHAMMO, I’m totally caught off guard by him being on one knee. *sigh* How wonderful.

Oh and this ring is the most beautiful ring I have ever seen <3

Fuc* people that what an expensive ring, I think that’s incredibly stupid. This ring is cubic zirconia, and I think it’s perfect as can be. (Plus, it’s like $50 and looks like $1,000,000 hehehe)

My dermatillomania was acting up quite a bit last week. I’m assuming that since my stress level has been rising due to the end of the semester and upcoming finals, my subconscious has decided to resort to picking.

Sorry for the random towel picture of me haha.

When this picking happened I had (obviously) just finished up with my shower. Most times when this happens I find myself in a trance. It’s like, the second I find something wrong with my skin, or think of something stressful, I just pick for what seems like hours. I think when this picking happened, I was picking for a straight twenty minutes until I realized that I had picked to the point of bleeding. You would think that with all the pain my fingers end up feeling I would stop.

Anyways, that’s my dermatillomania for you.