Tuesday, 10 July 2012
I don't like to admit a lot of things about myself, but I feel like if I'm ever going to move forward in my life, I need to start being honest with myself.
I come from a dysfunctional family. I don't ever remember having a normal childhood, or life for that matter. For the first six years of my life I lived in the ghetto, and played with the neighborhood kids that weren't exactly nice. I remember this girl used to hit me with tree branches, as the other kids watched. I was too weak to ever stand up for myself, and instead of making new friends at school I stuck around. For some reason, I wanted to be like them. They used me for my toys, and for free popsicles on hot summer days. I guess since I was so young, I never really noticed that they weren't good friends.
I've always been timid and shy. It was only until a few years ago that I could start speaking for myself. My entire life I was a follower. I didn't have any opinions of my own, and I could never speak for myself. Sometimes I still can't speak up, I guess spending almost 21 years of your life doing what others say is a hard habit to break.
I find it hard to break out of my shell and just have fun. I'm constantly wondering what others think about me, it's to the point where I can't have fun because I'm so incredibly uptight. People probably get the wrong idea about me because they think I'm a snob for acting this way, so I'm losing a lot of potential friends that could help me find my way to freeing my soul. My loss I guess.
I'm very thinky. I think, and then rethink that thought, and once I'm done with that guess what? I rethink again. I can never make up my mind about things because I feel like I could possibly make the worst decision of my life, so I get freaked out and stall as long as possible.
I'll finish this later. I'm really unmotivated to blog anymore.
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