December 31, 2012
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R.I.P Ting Shuang (A letter)
We were cousins with only an eleven month age difference, but we were oceans apart.
The first time I met you, I was around three. I think you were just barely two. I vaguely remember the memories we’ve had together, and I wish that I did. From what I do remember though, that even at a very early age, I admired everything about you. You were very obedient of your parents (unlike me), and although you were always so quiet, I loved spending time with you.
I remember when you were around six or seven, I went to your ballet class with you. I don’t remember much of that day, or from that visitation that summer, but I do remember that I always thought you looked so elegant and pretty. Just like a real ballerina.
When I found out about your death today, all I could do was cry, yet at the same time your death doesn’t seem real at all. But do deaths ever seem real when it happens to someone you love? In the back of my mind, I keep thinking I’ll wake up from a dream.
I don’t know much detail about your death. I don’t even know when this month you did die. That alone makes me feel horrible. I was living my life so happily throughout this entire month, and I wasn’t even aware of your death. It makes me feel sick inside.
My mom told me that you died in a car accident. Your boyfriend was driving, and he was the one who ended up living. The human part of me wants to blame him for your death…and even a small part of me wants to know why it wasn’t him that passed away. I know it’s wrong to want that and to think that. It might not have been his fault, and here I am thinking horrible things. I’m not thinking about his family, or him for that matter. I’m not thinking about the pain he will feel for the rest of his life.
I don’t really care though. I just wish you weren’t gone.
I found this saved on my computer. I don’t think we ever smiled in a photograph together…which is hysterical.
I’ll probably dig through all the photos of us that I have, and make a memorial blog for you tomorrow. I just wish you would know how much I love you, even though we weren’t close. Rest in peace, I hope you’re happy in heaven, you deserve to be.
Comments (11)
@laytexduckie - Thank you, it still hasn’t hit me yet. I keep thinking, that I’ll wake up tomorrow with everything being back to normal :/
@nihaokeisha - It’s difficult to cope with losing a loved one. Just know that you have us here if you ever need to talk, or let anything out and need someone to listen.
@laytexduckie - I know
All of you guys are like super close friends to me. I’ll definitely keep that in mind, and you’ll probably hear from me in the next few days :/ So much emotion.
@nihaokeisha - It’s alright. People need time to unwind and let out whatever is bothering them.
I just find it funny that we became friends on your Queef post.
@laytexduckie - That’s true, very very true.
And I knowww right? Lmao, making weird friendships since 2012 amiright?
@nihaokeisha - Those friendships are always the best. Haha.
@laytexduckie - You are sooo correct. I’m sure we’ll have more interesting topics in our future as well
@nihaokeisha - Definitely.
I’m sorry for your loss.
@purpleranger@ireallylikefood - thank you <3