January 28, 2013
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My puppy died
If you regularly keep track of my blogs, you will know that I have posted a few times about my pomeranian puppy, Dian Dian. For those new readers out there, it’s a complex situation. My ex boyfriend and I adopted her together last year when we were still together. He kept her for me, because my parents wouldn’t let me. Even after we broke up, we remained friends, and he kept her for me. I guess you could say it was like a divorced family, and I only got to see our child on the weekends, except since we both had busy school schedules it was even less frequent than that.
I last saw her yesterday, and for a very brief amount of time. Even though I rarely got the chance to see her, she would greet me with such love and excitement, and when I would have to leave she would chase after me with extremely sad eyes, with a whimper attached.
I got a phone call today from my ex…he told me that Dian Dian passed away. It turns out, that when everyone wasn’t paying attention she had gotten on top of their table and got into their ash tray. She ate their cigarrettes and I’m assuming since she was so small, the toxins in the cigarettes poisoned her.
I can’t help but think, I was there yesterday, if only I had taken her for the day. I keep blaming myself in some way. I’m so heartbroken. Once I moved out of my parents house, I was going to take her to live with me. I feel like somehow I should have taken her in. I just feel so horrible, like she could have had a better life with me. I’m so sorry Dian Dian. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you as much as I could have. I’m sorry I was such a horrible mommy to you. I feel so horrible, and I wish you could be with me in my arms right now. Just know, I thought about you all the time, and I missed you every single day. I wish you didn’t have to die, I love you so much and I’ll never stop loving you. I’ll pray for you, and talk to you everyday. I’m so sorry. I’m so very sorry.
Here are the two last photos I took of her.
I miss you Dian Dian, my tears won’t stop falling for you. You stole my heart the moment I saw your photograph online…and I knew that I would love you forever the second I saw you in person. I traveled six hours to see you, and it was worth it. On our drive back home, I never wanted to let you go.
I’m sorry. I’ll love you forever and ever.
-Mommy
Comments (13)
I also used to have a Pomeranian when I was younger. Her name was Lucky. She was almost 11 when she passed away from a type of epilepsy.
Don’t blame yourself. Nobody knew such a thing would happen. And to only shoulder that unwarranted blame will only make you feel so much worse.
@laytexduckie - I know :/ She just seemed so unhappy living there. I just wish I didn’t adopt her, maybe someone else would have given her a better home/life.
@nihaokeisha - The thing is, no one would have known if she would have. But, you and your ex took the chance and did the best you could. You loved her with all the love you can give and she was grateful for it. That’s something she knew she would always get from you (and it showed in how she greeted you). You were a form of sunshine in her life as she was in yours. That’s one thing that didn’t and would never change.
@laytexduckie - I know I tried my very best. I’m glad I have you on here
You’re making me feel better, you don’t even know. She was such a wonderful and loving dog, it’s such a shame for her to have such a short lived life.
@nihaokeisha - You’re always welcome. You know why? Because you’re awesome. Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise, not even yourself. I’m sure she lived a good life up to the end, and she has you to thank for it. Sometimes, it’s not the length of the life you lived, but what made that life worth living.
@laytexduckie - You’re awesome too! You always have the perfect words to say. Honestly, I’d be a complete mess without you!
@nihaokeisha - Aww, thanks! And I always try my best. I hate seeing people upset, so I do whatever I can. You’re no exception.
Sorry to hear about Dian Dian!
@nihaokeisha – By the way, I just realized your username was supposed to be read “Nihao – Keisha.” This whole time, I thought it was Russian. Goes to show how I use my Asian reading abilities to their fullest extent…
I’m so sorry for your loss. I understand too well how it feels to lose a pet. I lost two very recently and one was a Pomeranian that I had for almost all my life. Nothing can replace them and we can only hope that time will help ease the pain.
My condolences.
@loneshadow_wolf - I hope so, it never gets easy losing a pet. I hope you can get some comfort, and think of happy memories of your pets. I’m sorry you have to go through this too, and with two pets
@QuantumStorm - Thank you
@laytexduckie - I’m sure it’s Russian somewhere! Lmao xD
@purpleranger@ireallylikefood - Thank you, it means a lot.
@nihaokeisha - It was Russian in my mind for a while. Hahah. My mind exists somewhere on the map.