February 26, 2013
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Men have it easier in marriages.
Today in my gender studies class we had a super heated discussion…
The discussed topic was who has it better in marriages, a man or a woman? My class is consisted of mainly women, but there were also a handful of guys in it too. Either way, I’m sure you can guess which way the conversation turned.
There were a few women in their fourties and fifties that were throwing around the very stereotypical “men do nothing, they just come home from work and sit on the couch” statement and said that men had it easier. Then, they said “women always take care of the children and do the housework” crap.
The guys that were voicing their opinions said that times have changed. Sure, some guys sit and do nothing, but there are also plenty of women who do the same. People just didn’t seem to agree at all. Then later on during this conversation, a woman said, “I make more than my husband, but he works longer than I do. He doesn’t have the right to always rest.”
Another girl in my class said, “I don’t care how long or how hard my husband works, as soon as he gets home he’s not resting. He’s helping me with everything, even if I am a stay at home mom.”
These statements peeved me off. It isn’t about the money, it’s about the amount of hardwork somebody puts into their family and job/career. The gender shouldn’t have to matter. What a person does during their day shouldn’t have a say in anything as long as they work hard. Both people should be able to have their resting time and they most definitely should get equal amounts of benefits. I don’t see how that discussion had to make everyone so angry…but hey..I’m not married. What do I know?
What are your opinions on this topic?
Comments (6)
One of the reasons I’m never getting married is because of the attitudes of the women you described in that class. I mean I have a whole list of reasons but basically I see marriage, for most men anyways in this day and age, as a game of Russian roulette.
@QuantumStorm - Agreed. I think it can be wonderful if you find a person that can respect you and not see you as a nonstop machine. Marriage is so risky these days. From what I’ve seen, marriage back in the day (although women didn’t have much a career choice and stayed home with kids) it seemed to be more respected. My grandparents took equal parts in things, and pretty much died together. It’s not like that anymore, it’s really sad :/ Plus, I think women today just want a wedding, they don’t think past that.
For both sides, it seems the hostility comes from a sense of entitlement. And that entitlement stems from gender roles. Women will claim that because they birth the baby, they deserve a rest from caring for the child. Men claim they work hard to provide for the family, so he deserve rest when he comes home. They never really focus on devying up the housework (laundry, dishes, cleaning, caring for the child), and instead, yell and scream about who is lazier.
I think in any case, there will always be a push and pull (even outside of marriage like work groups). The idea that one side has it easier than the other is just another way to ensue a gender war. And I’m getting really sick of these gender wars.
@laytexduckie - I agree with you 100%. I think people should just learn that men and women are different, but can work just as hard and learn to take responsibility of whatever. These classes are aggravatingggggggggggggggggg haha.
@nihaokeisha - Yeah, back then women were generally pigeonholed into staying at home while the guys were pigeonholed into being the breadwinners, but in spite of the enforced gender roles, the institution was more respected because it was something that arose out of a survivalist instinct, as well as a means to consolidate resources and political power. The idea was that it would maximize the strengths of either side while helping each person cover for the other’s weaknesses and needs. Granted a lot of stereotypes about gender were at play, but it was very effective in an environment where a solid family was the difference between life and death.
Nowadays though, we have a lot of creature comforts and social safety nets that make it very easy for the average single person to live independently. Even with single parents, raising children on your own, while difficult, pales in comparison to doing that even a century ago when technology was not as developed that allowed for labor-saving systems as well as increased safety. Additionally, political power is largely disconnected from heredity in an era where democracy is prevalent, so you can’t always “marry” your way into becoming a head of state.
So as a result the permanence of marriages is not emphasized anymore. Unfortunately the legal system has not caught up with this, so I see a lot of guys get completely reamed in divorce courts by their wives. Not even a prenup can save them these days, and don’t get me started on paternity fraud.
I tell my guyfriends that even if they found the perfect woman to spend the rest of their lives with, that they must understand that they are taking a huge risk when it comes to getting married. I’ve seen lots of guys forget that marriage is about the consolidation of wealth, and that if they are too focused on the lovey-dovey crap, it will come back to haunt them years later.
And you’re absolutely right, weddings are all the craze these days… I kinda wish people were as obsessed with a perfect marriage as they are with perfect weddings.
I just read this link and automatically thought of this post, so I wanted to share it with you: http://m.jezebel.com/5987056/women-work-harder-than-men-study-says
Again, to me, I think the study is sketchy. It’s not nature that dictates work ethic and determination, but rather the environment that men and women are brought up in. For some women, they put in extra effort because in a society, like the US, where women are still often underpaid, they feel that they have something to prove. I think it’s more of a character build up from their years before that determines their work ethic, and not just exclusive to women. What about Asian Americans, black Americans, gay men and lesbian women, etc.?
Again, I understand what this study is trying to look for, but in my own conclusion, I think that worth ethic comes from the environment that people grew up in and are submerged in everyday of their lives and the people they interact with; not whether or not they possess a certain type of genitalia.
Sorry for a rant, but I know how some people will turn this into a gender war again. Oi. Enjoy the article, though!