March 4, 2013

• Untitled.

  Sitting in a claustraphobic space, I feel comforted….

  Everyday I sit here and feel the constant emptiness blanket my heart, and all I really know how to feel is sorrow and shame. They feel so familiar, and without either I am unable to live. I constantly relapse back to failing, and I feel so lost. Succeeding at anything seems like an untouchable dream and having happiness stay more than a few moments seems like an impractical wish.
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  Today I found out that my grandmother is dying.

  I haven’t really known any of my grandparents, and although I’m sad, I feel worse for my mother. My mother was never the closest with my grandmother, and the last time she has seen her was at my grandpa’s funeral. That was seven years ago.

  My mother has had a hard life, and she lives on the other side of the world. She is oceans apart from her own family. My mother doesn’t have the money to see her family, and my parents don’t have money to afford much of anything. With that in my mind all of the time, it breaks my soul that my mom has to scrounge up all the money she has just to be able to see her own mother before she passes away.

  There’s that well known saying, “life is full of surprises”. This statement is true for anyone that has ever taken a breath. I just wish that in my family’s life they would be good surprises.

  

  • 10:36 pm
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