February 21, 2013
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Never get involved
My Xangan friends, I need you guys right now.
I admit, I like to meddle with people’s relationship problems and try to give advice when it’s not necessarily asked for. Actually, I try to get involved with any of my friend’s issues in hopes that I can help them. I don’t try to do this for entertainment or to alter things to make drama, in all honesty a naive and stupid part of me thinks I can help them out, even if it’s just an ounce. Of course this backfires and bites me in my arse.
Long story short, I know that this person has been in a long distance relationship for 4 or 5 years. A long time ago we stopped being friends due to some problems and then a few years later resolved our differences and tried being friends again. Well, we’ve been hanging out a little for the past few months and I thought things were going great, and that our friendship could be fixed and we could continue being good friends again. Apparently I was wrong.
Her boyfriend and her have been having problems for a long time now. He is a bit obsessed, and lacked in trust for her. He lives in China, she lives in America…and because of that they only had the chance to see each other twice a year. During their times in between there became tension. She was his first everything and she means the world to him. He was the first guy to show her respect and true love. Well, it’s tough being in a relationship with people that care a little too much and obsess and go over the top to keep tabs on you. This of course can create a wedge between two people, and it did for them. He told me that three times while they were still together she kissed three different people. That’s where the lack of trust came in..and stayed. Ever since then, he never trusted her around guys, even if that meant they were just friends.
Throughout the past few months they both willingly told me their frustrations with one another, and I tried my very best to be fair to both of them. According to both of them they’ve fought a lot, and he (let’s just call them from now on Bo and Peep) would not stop telling me how sad he has been. Peep said that sometimes she thinks that she doesn’t see him in her permanent future. Bo wanted to get married within the next year or two and she didn’t want that at all…and they seemed to argue to the point where they would just say nasty things to each other. I don’t know how many times I suggested this to both of them, but I basically said break up or fix things. Even with that, they didn’t really resolve anything and they were just angry with one another all the time. Bo ended up writing a professional relationship counselor and pretty much said that he deserves better and so does she.
He broke up with her yesterday.
Now, I know in the past Peep and I had a major fight and we said horrible things to each other. This was during our junior year of high school. I would say we were both equally at fault for our situation, and I was a pretty horrible friend in the past. Now I’m in my third year of college and I have tried so hard to better myself as a person, but I can understand why one would still have doubts about me.
Bo told me that she sent him an email, and that she said this about me. ” I don’t know what role Keisha had in this, but I will find out and probably not trust her anymore because this is the shit that happens when you let shitty people back into your life.” I guess I feel hurt that she would think I would go out of my way to ruin her relationship. I had hoped that our friendship could be the way it used to be and I’m realizing now that it may never happen.
She told Bo that even though she did things in the past that weren’t right, that she would hope that he would leave the past in the past and just forgive and trust her. I suppose I was just hoping that she would have the same mindset for me.
Now Xangan friends, I know what I did wasn’t wanted and that the moral of this story is to not force myself into people’s problems and to only help when wanted..but I just honestly wanted to help. Could you help a bummed out Xangan and give me words of wisdom or encouragement? Please and thank you!!!
Comments (29)
There, there, it’ll be okay… on the plus side, at least you weren’t a fat crocodile. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M27Rq_Q7nWA
@QuantumStorm - Hahahahahaha, that is seriously the best thing I have ever watched. I’m tearing up for laughing so hard!!
@nihaokeisha - ^_^
You know… I am just like you in that I always like to help out anyone I can, whether it’s advice, talking, or listening. And, yes, it has bitten me in the ass a lot too. Sometimes, people don’t really want a solution, but instead, they want a listener. And for me, I always tend to be the fixer; I approach things with a mindset of finding solutions so it will no longer be a problem. Some people don’t like that.
As for your case with Bo and Peep, I think Peep’s anger is misdirected. You two recently patched up old qualms at around the same time Bo and Peep were experiencing turbulence in their relationship. They both know that either a break up or a dwindling effect was going to happen eventually, but they refused to acknowledge. Where you came in, was merely just in the case of offering some form of guidance or perspective from the outside (I assumed that they both came to you for that instead of you going to them). However, it was simply Bo’s decision to call it quits, regardless of what you said. Peep knew that something had to be done, and with that idea of her knowing that Bo wasn’t in her future, why is she mad? And why is she suddenly blaming you for what Bo decided, especially if it was going to end up that way in the long run anyways?
I think with Peep, you might just have to let that friendship go. There’s no good reason for someone who is a friend to blame an inevitable event based on the reemergence of someone else. It’s not voodoo or bad luck or anything. It’s just what it is: a relationship hitting the rocks and one party deciding to end things. But she doesn’t see it that way. And with someone trying to always shift the blame is someone who wouldn’t be pretty good at maintaining a friendship either.
Again, my two cents on what I see in this situation. Hopefully, things get resolved soon, and whatever happens, happens. Good luck.
@laytexduckie - This is the most comforting thing I could ever possibly read and everything you wrote is true. I guess I just have too much wishful thinking going on and not spending enough time facing the reality of my life.
It sounds like Peep just wants to be a stupid little drama queen and doesn’t want to take responsibility for her own actions. If things were fine between those two then there’d be no reason for them to break up. she was totally just looking for someone else to place the blame on. you shouldn’t take it personally. misery loves company. always remember that.
@nihaokeisha - It’s okay. It seems like I’m the same way; wishful thinking, but not keeping my feet grounded. I guess that’s one drawback of being too optimistic about things. But, what can ya do? Just keep on truckin’.
@Love_in_102 - Misery loves company, I like that saying…and it’s sadly true too. I guess in my mind I always hope that things happen happier than they end up actually being :/
@laytexduckie - keep on truckin fo sho!! But, I guess I’d rather be an unrealistic optimist than an unrealistic pessimist!!
@nihaokeisha - Yes, glass always half full… and then eventually empty because I drank it.
@laytexduckie - I’d drink it too if it tasted like strawberry lemonade >_<
@nihaokeisha - Well, as long as it’s not piss… or sulfuric acid… or sulfuric acidic piss….
@laytexduckie - I dunno, if Bear Grylls does it, it must taste good?!
@nihaokeisha - Well, Bear Grylls has no taste buds.
Although, it’s funny. I just read an article today where they say that if you eat your own poop, you’ll be okay. If you eat someone else’s, you’ll get sick.
I don’t know why that article just popped into my head, but…
@laytexduckie - lmao!! That can’t be true. They had to have written that to see I anyone would test it out.
@nihaokeisha - Well, read it for yo’self! Because it be answered by doctors and stuff!
@laytexduckie - I don’t believe them!!! There is no way that eating your own poo poo won’t get you sick! It’s liessss!
@nihaokeisha - Well…. it’s not like you would even attempt to anyways…. righhhhtttt?
@laytexduckie - of course not!! But I know plenty of people who would sadly xD
@nihaokeisha - Two girls who were bored and happened to have a cup?
@laytexduckie - Precisely!
@nihaokeisha - Hah! And those, those hentais!!! And their tentacle monsters and things!
@laytexduckie - they’ve been giving doctors the wrong idea!!
@nihaokeisha - How do you save your citizens? With… tentacle monsters, and mutated giant lizards… and them Pokiemans?
@laytexduckie - definitely them Pokiemans!
@nihaokeisha - That’s why I catchem!!
I think…none of this hinges on whether or not you got involved with what was happening in their relationship. It has to do with the fact that she’s an attention whore, a cheater, and obviously can’t be trusted. If I were him, I would have broken up with her the first time she cheated. She’s just saying you can’t be trusted because SHE can’t be trusted.
People often will put their own faults on someone else. Kinda like the cheater who always has to check up on their partner and make sure they’re not cheating.
Don’t sweat it. If she can’t respect your willingness to help a friend out, then you have no obligation to be her friend. She’ll get her head on straight eventually, and that will probably happen when she loses a majority of her friends.
@Dustin_wind - Thanks for your support, I get more support from you guys than I do from people in my personal life…which makes me question the people that I choose to be friends with. I’m just tired of people sticking on assumptions for things I’ve done in high school x.x I mean geeze Louise!
@nihaokeisha - I really don’t know why people still even bring up high school. High served no purpose really and we were all too young and immature to know exactly what we were doing. Everyone just gets caught up in the “who are the cool people” bullshit. And they’ll do pretty much anything to get into that category.
And then there’s people like me, who always had a fling. bahaha. High school days. Gotta love em.