*Links are a work in progress*

Thanks to my skype convo with @laytexduckie I just sparked ideas for how I wish I could dress.

We were basically talking about cosplays, and I thought…well wouldn’t it be amazing to be able to dress like that all the time? With a little click of my mouse and some internet browsing, I found wearable outfits for those who want to spice up their wardrobe.

Lady Punisher:

If you want this look, and add a punk rock flare to it you could pair a crop top with some black skinny jeans.

Buy this crop top here

Get the pants here

Get these boots

If you want a Lady punisher look that’s more sleek try this:

But it http://www.nastygal.com/product/afterthought-skull-tank/_/searchString/skullhere”>here>

http://www.nastygal.com/product/phantom-skinny-pant/searchString/black%20pantshere”>here>

http://www.nastygal.com/product/slash-cutout-wedge/_/searchString/cross%20

 I checked my surroundings to make sure there were no more walkers lurking around. Everything seemed to be “right as rain”, so I continued to make my way through the desolate neighborhood.

As I crept through the darkness I heard noises of a few walkers dragging their lifeless bodies around. Unsure where more walkers might be, I stood still with the dead of the night. I closed my eyes and became one with my surroundings. For a moment it felt like the days where I would creep through the woods with a purpose. The days where I would be the hunter, and not the hunted. I snapped out of my thoughts from the past, and I realized there was a part of the neighborhood that didn’t seem to have noise from the dead stumbling around.

I followed the silence for what seemed like forever, when I finally reached the gas station. I snuck inside, and all was well. No one seemed to be inside, and I rummaged for anything that could be useful. I found a container for the gasoline, not wanting to spend longer than I needed I headed back outside. The only thing left that I needed was a tube of some sort to collect the gasoline with. I walked around the gas station and spotted a water hose on the side of the building. I grabbed my knife and cut what I needed from it.

There were a few wrecked cars, so all I needed to do now was siphon the gas from them.

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I was starting to get worried about Daryl, and these two strange men weren’t helping. I needed to get inside their heads more, I needed to find out their motives. I didn’t trust them, and I know for a fact that they didn’t trust me either. Riley seemed like a loose cannon, so I decided to target him first.

“So Riley, where are you guys headed? When my friend gets back we’re probably going to head out, anywhere we should avoid?” I tried asking as generally as I could.

Riley being the crude man that he was scoffed at me. “There ain’t exactly a safe place for you to go, but if you haven’t figured out already, the big cities are crawling with them motherfuc*ers. As for where we’re going, I ain’t tellin’ you shi*. Can’t risk being followed or gettin’ killed by some chick I just met, and some as*hole I don’t know.”

I wanted to give him a piece of my mind, but there is no such thing as reasoning with an idiot. I decided to try my luck with the older gentleman that still remained unknown.

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Click one of the links below!

Part 1:
The Lost in Reality: Part 1

Part 2:
The Lost in Reality: Part 2

Part 3:
The Lost in Reality: Part 3

Part 4:
The Lost in Reality: Part 4

Part 5:
The Lost in Reality: Part 5

Part 6:
The Lost in Reality: Part 6

Part 7:
The Lost in Reality: Part 7

Part 8:
The Lost: In Reality: Part 8

Part 9:
The Lost: In Reality: Part 9

Part 10:
http://nihaokeisha.xanga.com/772211100/the-lost-in-reality-part-10/

Like any other girl with an obsession for heels, I have a million pairs.

My mom hates them so much she just called me telling me she will give me $50 per pair. To her she thinks that only sluts wear heels. Now, I appreciate that since I don’t have a job she’s trying to give me money, but I am so fed up with her trying to persuade me to get rid of things I genuinely like with money. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.

She hates my sense of style, or anything that I like that she disagrees with. I kid you not, she insults me about these things multiple times a day. I hate that she tries to appear generous by wanting to give me money for things that she doesn’t like. I think that she just wants me to simply conform to what she wants me to be. I wish she would just accept the fact that I am completely different than her, and no pay off will change that.

In the past she would just give my stuff away to the Goodwill without even asking me, and then deny it later. I’ve written a blog about the time my good friend from Hawaii mailed me some things, and because she didn’t like them, she gave them away. I’m just sick and tired of her trying to be manipulative through money.

Maybe it’s because she’s Asian, but I swear. It gets so annoying.

As of the beginning of 2013 I’ve been busting my buns trying to become a better and happier person inside and out. I have also been trying to start and maintain a happier and healthier lifestyle.

I thought I would share with you guys what I have been doing physically and mentally to help better myself.

Below I will share things that I choose to live by, and the lessons that I have learned from myself or other people.

Things I have learned:

1. Only keep people in your life that make you happy. Lose the people that bring you down.

2. If things are broken, fix them. If unfixable, find something worth your time.

3. Learn to love even the simplest of things.

4. Lose all of your excuses.

5. Stop making judgements about people, see the good in everyone.

6. Put all your effort into everything that is important.

7. Learn from your problems, don’t keep making the same mistakes.

8. It’s okay to say no.

9. What you think of yourself is the only things that matters.

10. Own up to your mistakes, don’t deny them. Things will be a lot easier.

Things I want to live by:

1. Don’t just pray when things are rough, pray when good things happen too.

2. No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.

3. Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

4. It’s often hard to tell just how close you are to success.

5. Don’t dwell on the past or worry about the future for too long. Right now is life. Live it.

6. When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you.

7. Never let success get to your head, and never let failure get to your heart.

8. You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life.

9. Forgiving yourself is far more important than getting others to forgive you.

10. Giving up doesn’t always mean you’re weak, sometimes it means you are strong enough and smart enough to let go.

11. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

12. It’s never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.

13. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

14. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

15. What other people think of you is none of your business.

16. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

17. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

18. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

19. Everything can change in the blink of an eye… But don’t worry; God never blinks.

20. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
[Source] [Source]

My bestest friend has had this cute little puppy for awhile now, but I just love him to bits….sooo I thought I would share his cuteness with all of you.

His name is Ace Ventura and he’s a four month old Chihuahua if any of you are wondering

As some of you may know, my grandmother is dying.

*Quick note* My grandmother has six children, my mother being the second youngest out of them all. My mother and Aunt Chan (who is the youngest) are the only two of my grandmother’s children to move outside of Taiwan.

When my grandmother was young and had six children to raise they were all she ever thought about. My mom told me that my grandma loved all of her children so much she never gave herself the time to think about things other than her own flesh and blood. Instead of having dreams and goals of having a life to enjoy even the simplest of things, my grandma would put her kids first like any good mother would. She would wake up at 5 am every morning to get the wood stove ready so she could make her children breakfast before school. My mom told me that my grandmother never had any down time, and was lucky if she even had time to take a brief nap.

My mom once said that when she was a toddler, my grandmother was preparing a hot bath for her. My grandmother had to boil hot water for my mom, but before my mom could get in, the water had to cool down. Being a curious toddler, my mom fell into the scolding hot water and gave herself severe burns. My grandmother rushed to my mother and tended to her as fast as she could.

My grandmother was attentive like that to all of her children. She made she they were clothed, fed, bathed, happy, and most importantly, loved. Not a lot of people then and now are fortunate enough to have a loving mother like that.

Now, my grandmother who is dying in a nursing home, who had six kids she loved and cared for is alone. My grandmother was put into a nursing home against her will. When my grandfather was still alive, she fell ill. My grandfather was devastated, and when she was sent to a nursing home to get taken care of he died of a broken heart. They never told my grandmother until months later. My grandmother would always ask about my grandfather. “Where is he?” “Does he not love me anymore?” Since she was so ill, they were afraid to tell her because they thought she would make a turn for the worst. Ever since then, she was left in the nursing home.

Not many people visit her, not even her children that are in Taiwan. They make occasional visits, and that’s so their guilty heart can feel better even if it’s for a moment.

My oldest uncle and oldest aunt are the only ones who can take care of her. My two other aunts that are there cannot. One of them is physically unable to, and the other isn’t in a financial condition to (she is living with her daughter in an old warehouse).

My uncle who has the most money out of all of them (he is a retired professor, as well as his wife) wants my grandmother to die, same with my oldest aunt.

My grandmother is so sick that she has to have a feeding tube, otherwise she cannot eat on her own. My grandmother is NOT a vegetable. She is alive, and although too sick to do a lot of things, she is aware of everything that is going on. She feels loneliness everyday, and all she wants to do is to go home. No one can take her…or no one is willing to. My uncle wants to pull the plug on her feeding tube. He says she should just die so she won’t suffer. How can he say that? She would starve to death. It would take her weeks to die.

My mother, my Aunt Chan, and two aunts who are unable to take care of my grandmother want to keep my grandmother alive. My mom is in such a rut, she is willing to empty out her 401k to rent an apartment and take my grandma home. My mother thinks that my grandmother just wants to die with family, so she can finally die at peace.

This situation is so tough, and I’m unsure of what to do. I wish I could have the money to help my grandmother and my mom. If only candy bar fundraisers were a solution.

My question for you guys is, if you were in my uncle’s shoes..would you pull the plug on your mother?

Sitting in a claustraphobic space, I feel comforted….

Everyday I sit here and feel the constant emptiness blanket my heart, and all I really know how to feel is sorrow and shame. They feel so familiar, and without either I am unable to live. I constantly relapse back to failing, and I feel so lost. Succeeding at anything seems like an untouchable dream and having happiness stay more than a few moments seems like an impractical wish.
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Today I found out that my grandmother is dying.

I haven’t really known any of my grandparents, and although I’m sad, I feel worse for my mother. My mother was never the closest with my grandmother, and the last time she has seen her was at my grandpa’s funeral. That was seven years ago.

My mother has had a hard life, and she lives on the other side of the world. She is oceans apart from her own family. My mother doesn’t have the money to see her family, and my parents don’t have money to afford much of anything. With that in my mind all of the time, it breaks my soul that my mom has to scrounge up all the money she has just to be able to see her own mother before she passes away.

There’s that well known saying, “life is full of surprises”. This statement is true for anyone that has ever taken a breath. I just wish that in my family’s life they would be good surprises.

We had another serious conversation in my Gender Studies class today. This time today, a few people in my class shared their personal stories, and I was amazed at how strong they were that they were able to share such a part of their personal life. I was also horrified and disturbed at how evil mankind can be.

Story #1:
There was this woman in my class who shared with the class that she originated from down south. She was brought up to believe that no matter what, you shouldn’t divorce because it’s simply frowned upon. She got married in the 1980s to her high school sweetheart, and to someone that she has known her entire life. They married when she was eighteen.

She shared that she thought she knew this man, especially since they grew up together. He ended up beating her and their children. She wasn’t the one that divorced him, it was he that divorced her…and it was because he was cheating. She didn’t go much further into their relationship, but I’m assuming that the scumbag simply didn’t want to be with her anymore.

She also shared that her sister was assaulted by her husband. One day, her husband called the police saying he was going to kill his wife. When she came home with her two sons, he was already hiding under their bed with a hunting knife. When she went to tuck them into bed, he came out from underneath, stabbed her 27 times and scalped her. The police never came to help her, even though the man called telling them what he was going to do. By some miracle, she made it outside. Her husband was still inside the house, and he was threatening to kill their children. She screamed for help and nobody helped her. The husband made his way outside, and the one that saved her was the family dog. He jumped through the screen in their screen door and attacked the woman’s husband. Amazingly, she lived. They didn’t get a divorce until ten years later (but they were separated that entire time). He ended up dying from brain cancer.
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Story #2:
The woman in this story told my class that when she was three, her mother and father separated. Two years later, her mom started dating somebody new. One day, when the three of them were together, her mother’s boyfriend bumped into a friend he knew. The friend told her, “you have a great father.” At the age of five she said, “He’s not my dad.” My classmate told us ever since she made that true statement, he hated her. She continued to say that eventually her mother and her new step-dad got married. He constantly verbally abused her, her mother, and her three half siblings. He told her to her face that he was going to kill her. She was thirteen. When he told her that, she called the police. They told her they couldn’t do anything because she was “too young” to call the station for help and that her mother would have to call and confirm that. Her mother never did because she was scared for not only herself, but for her four children.

At the age of sixteen, my classmate moved out of her house. She became independent and took care of herself from then on. During her high school graduation, she said that her graduation present was her mother divorcing her then step-dad.
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Story #3:
A girl in my class told us a brief history of her family background. She said that her grandparents came from India, because of that she had a friend in India. Her friend was set up for an arranged marriage. The friend found out that her husband was cheating on her, and she demanded a divorce from her husband. In this part of India, it is basically forbidden for a woman to show power towards men.

Her husband hated that she requested a divorce, so one night when she was sleeping, he took acid and threw it on her body. One half of her body was disfigured because of it the acid. My classmate said that this happened four or five years ago, and she has had multiple surgeries to try and fix it. She still has many more surgeries to go.

My classmate’s friend is still together with her husband. He built her a hut behind their house. She has to live back there for now on, and the only time she is allowed inside of the main house is when she is taking care of their children.

I heard these three stories today, and I couldn’t help but to think. You can look at a person and think you know them, or you could make assumptions about somebody, but you can never truly know a person. People have dark secrets and horrible situations happen to them and we would never know unless they told us. I hope that the women (or men) out there that are going through dark times can find the strength they need to escape. For the people that have found the light, I hope that one day they can fully recover and find peace within themselves to continue living a happy life.

Today in my gender studies class we had a super heated discussion…

The discussed topic was who has it better in marriages, a man or a woman? My class is consisted of mainly women, but there were also a handful of guys in it too. Either way, I’m sure you can guess which way the conversation turned.

There were a few women in their fourties and fifties that were throwing around the very stereotypical “men do nothing, they just come home from work and sit on the couch” statement and said that men had it easier. Then, they said “women always take care of the children and do the housework” crap.

The guys that were voicing their opinions said that times have changed. Sure, some guys sit and do nothing, but there are also plenty of women who do the same. People just didn’t seem to agree at all. Then later on during this conversation, a woman said, “I make more than my husband, but he works longer than I do. He doesn’t have the right to always rest.”

Another girl in my class said, “I don’t care how long or how hard my husband works, as soon as he gets home he’s not resting. He’s helping me with everything, even if I am a stay at home mom.”

These statements peeved me off. It isn’t about the money, it’s about the amount of hardwork somebody puts into their family and job/career. The gender shouldn’t have to matter. What a person does during their day shouldn’t have a say in anything as long as they work hard. Both people should be able to have their resting time and they most definitely should get equal amounts of benefits. I don’t see how that discussion had to make everyone so angry…but hey..I’m not married. What do I know?

What are your opinions on this topic?

I know most of us with attractions towards people normally have a certain “type”. For me they either have a really sophisticated, classic look to their style, or they have bad boy characteristics. What both types have that I’ve connected is that (this may sound weird), but their faces have a certain timeless essence…as if they could have fit in perfectly with the people from way back when.

Do you guys have a certain type? If so, what are they or who are they?

Below are the main people I’m crushing over…which is a lot.

Ezra Miller:

(This gif is hot)

Joseph Gordon-Levitt:

Ian Harding:

Keegan Allen:

Norman Reedus:

Tyler Blackburn:

Blair Redford: