Your love mends my broken soul every time it feels unfixable…And When life seems impossible, you’re always there. You give me the strength to want to fight and make it through a world that makes my heart bitter and gray. When I give up on dreams that seem to have already died, you make me reassured that I can make them come alive.

I would be lost with you.

Before you, my life was left black and white. Then you found me, and suddenly everything was so clear and bright. Before you, I only saw with dark eyes. After I opened my heart to you I found a light. You make me want to live a full and prosperous life. Without you I would feel nothing and I would be nothing. You bring my life meaning and I want to live my life for you.

I love you with all of my heart, and I don’t thank you enough for all that you have blessed me with.

Love,
Keisha

This is the last time I’m going to post about my really pathetic situation because I honestly just want to wash my hands of it. I don’t need to welcome unnecessary negativity into my life.

But here are the words from “Bo” himself.

(This is a conversation from QQ)

I don’t know who I’m trying to prove my innocence to, or why I’m trying to prove it at all. I know who I am, and so do all of you. That’s all that really matters.

Oh, and one more thing. Bo loves this girl so much, and even though he felt these sad feelings he still wanted to be friends with her. Peep told me once that if they ever broke up she would be afraid to never talk to him again because he would just disappear. Now she won’t talk to him, and discarded their possible friendship. Don’t blame me for your losses, your issues were all on the two of you.

My Xangan friends, I need you guys right now.

I admit, I like to meddle with people’s relationship problems and try to give advice when it’s not necessarily asked for. Actually, I try to get involved with any of my friend’s issues in hopes that I can help them. I don’t try to do this for entertainment or to alter things to make drama, in all honesty a naive and stupid part of me thinks I can help them out, even if it’s just an ounce. Of course this backfires and bites me in my arse.

Long story short, I know that this person has been in a long distance relationship for 4 or 5 years. A long time ago we stopped being friends due to some problems and then a few years later resolved our differences and tried being friends again. Well, we’ve been hanging out a little for the past few months and I thought things were going great, and that our friendship could be fixed and we could continue being good friends again. Apparently I was wrong.

Her boyfriend and her have been having problems for a long time now. He is a bit obsessed, and lacked in trust for her. He lives in China, she lives in America…and because of that they only had the chance to see each other twice a year. During their times in between there became tension. She was his first everything and she means the world to him. He was the first guy to show her respect and true love. Well, it’s tough being in a relationship with people that care a little too much and obsess and go over the top to keep tabs on you. This of course can create a wedge between two people, and it did for them. He told me that three times while they were still together she kissed three different people. That’s where the lack of trust came in..and stayed. Ever since then, he never trusted her around guys, even if that meant they were just friends.

Throughout the past few months they both willingly told me their frustrations with one another, and I tried my very best to be fair to both of them. According to both of them they’ve fought a lot, and he (let’s just call them from now on Bo and Peep) would not stop telling me how sad he has been. Peep said that sometimes she thinks that she doesn’t see him in her permanent future. Bo wanted to get married within the next year or two and she didn’t want that at all…and they seemed to argue to the point where they would just say nasty things to each other. I don’t know how many times I suggested this to both of them, but I basically said break up or fix things. Even with that, they didn’t really resolve anything and they were just angry with one another all the time. Bo ended up writing a professional relationship counselor and pretty much said that he deserves better and so does she.

He broke up with her yesterday.

Now, I know in the past Peep and I had a major fight and we said horrible things to each other. This was during our junior year of high school. I would say we were both equally at fault for our situation, and I was a pretty horrible friend in the past. Now I’m in my third year of college and I have tried so hard to better myself as a person, but I can understand why one would still have doubts about me.

Bo told me that she sent him an email, and that she said this about me. ” I don’t know what role Keisha had in this, but I will find out and probably not trust her anymore because this is the shit that happens when you let shitty people back into your life.” I guess I feel hurt that she would think I would go out of my way to ruin her relationship. I had hoped that our friendship could be the way it used to be and I’m realizing now that it may never happen.

She told Bo that even though she did things in the past that weren’t right, that she would hope that he would leave the past in the past and just forgive and trust her. I suppose I was just hoping that she would have the same mindset for me.

Now Xangan friends, I know what I did wasn’t wanted and that the moral of this story is to not force myself into people’s problems and to only help when wanted..but I just honestly wanted to help. Could you help a bummed out Xangan and give me words of wisdom or encouragement? Please and thank you!!!

One obvious thing about that internet that I’m sure everyone has experienced in one form or another is the lack of its sensitivity. In fact, it’s such a norm online to automatically throw judgments and have a lack of compassion towards individuals that people don’t really even see the people of the internet as people.

Ever since @Laytexduckie had his post published on Datingish, I have been frequenting it to be shocked and horrified over how rude people are being towards him.

Don’t get me wrong, I, as well as many other users have at one point showed a lack of humanity, compassion, or any other heartfelt emotion when it came to certain things online. I know that sometimes it can be hard because there isn’t a physical body in front of people, but just a digital trace of somebody’s presence somewhere else.

It’s human nature to throw judgments and critical opinions at and towards people…but still…why can’t it just stop? I wish that this very dark quality would be vanquished within everyone.

I know that everyone has an idea, opinion, and thought of their own..but there are ways to express them without being so harsh. Going back to @Laytexduckie‘s Datingish post, the comments on there very blatantly stated their thoughts on his unfortunate situation. Some people automatically assumed he was fishing for sympathy, or was being pathetic. Without being in the situation yourself, or knowing him personally, why would you so carelessly throw word daggers towards someone’s emotions?

You might not necessarily agree with what he has to say, but why be such a (excuse my French) a raging prude dickasaurus?

I’ve seen this behavior everywhere imaginable, and it’s really sad. On Youtube, blogs, news websites, and etc. People really just don’t care.

I’ve been aware of this for as long as I’ve been a user of the internet, and like I’ve said earlier, I used to be like that. But to be honest, I don’t really know what struck me about @Laytexduckie‘s post that made me really upset. Maybe it’s because I consider him a good Xangan friend, or maybe I just decided to really see what’s been happening online with a clear mind. Either way, I just want all of you to know that just because the norm of the internet is to lack feelings, it doesn’t mean you have to follow the crowd.

People are people, no matter if all you see are the words, pictures, or videos they’ve shared. Be kind and play nice. This isn’t elementary school anymore, we should have learned that words can hurt sometimes.

Outerspace:
Looking at stars is a wonderful experience, but whenever I think of ludicrous situations of one day having to possibly evacuate the earth and live in space like Zenon I get horrified. I have no clue why, it’s not like it would ever happen, at least not in my life time…but still. Space is scary. It’s so cold, black, and full of rogue asteroids. Plus, there are no other livable planets out there that we know of. Should I even mention the lack of oxygen?

Butterflies:
I know what you’re thinking, “Why butterflies? They’re harmless.” I would have to make you a quick rebuttal. Have you not watched Spongebob? Whenever Sandy had a butterfly in her bubble dome and they showed a close up of a butterfly face. Terrible. Just TERRIBLE. I am convinced that there is something evil about them.

Spiders:
They have eight eyes and legs. FOR WHAT REASONS OTHER THAN TO KILL AND WREAK HAVOC UPON HUMANS? Enough said.

Ouija Boards, Palm readers, etc.:
I was born and raised a Christian, so I was always taught to stay away from this stuff….and I’ve also watched exorcism movies. I dare not provoke evil. Nope, never ever ever. Plus, my aunt a loooong time ago messed with that stuff and it predicted her future husband. They got his initials right….but they had a horrible, dysfunctional marriage. No thanks mayneee.

Road trips:
I love road trips, but when it comes to driving far away from home in areas with little to no people…my mind wanders and races. I’m okay with driving if there are cities and towns in between, but when you’re driving on random roads and highways with no signs of people…scary. I mean seriously. HAVE YOU NOT SEEN THE HITCHHIKER?! Some crazy man could kill you. Not to mention other movies like Wrong Turn and The Hills Have Eyes with mutated cannibals. Seriously…mutated cannibals. Gross.

Lakes or muggy waters:
I can’t swim, but I love being in the water..except when it comes to water that I can’t see into. The summer after my eighth grade year, my friend at the time invited me to an eighth grade graduation party at her house. She had a lake, and it was all fun until I felt dirty little lake creatures nibbling on my toes. HELLO, what was that?! I have no clue…it was scary as heck. There was also another time when I was swimming in the ocean at Folly Beach, SC. The water was dirty and brown, and I was waist deep in the water. I was having fun, that was until a man from shore that was fishing next to me caught a shark on his fishing pole. A FREAKING SHARK. It was a baby one, but where was it’s mother? Ugh.

Choking on food:
This hasn’t happened to me yet, but I have had plenty of close calls. I’m not the type of person that takes the time to chew my food…it’s bound to one day happen. I’m so paranoid I’ve watched videos on how to give myself the Heimlich. Better safe than sorry right?

If you’ve watched Arrested Development, there is no doubt that you are quite aware of who Tobias Funke is. Just a few weeks ago I captured his very clumsy essence when I got myself into a very unintended incident.

I’m sure you guys remember this scene in Arrested Development. I mean how could you not?!

So uh…about that….let’s just say I had a really…I mean REALLY bad hairdye situation. I used Manic Panic Rockabilly blue to dye my hair. I let it sit in my hair for an hour, and then washed it out in the sink. I guess I didn’t wash all of it out because the next day when I washed it out in the shower my ENTIRE body ended up turning blue. It took rubbing alcohol, Mr. Clean Magic Erasers (which I would NOT advise using), Comet Cleaner (which I would also not advise using), lemon juice, and nail polish remover to get it off. It took four whole days. My entire body was blue…even my lady bits, which I can honestly say is pretty interesting to see. If I liked the whole alien thing, it would’ve been pretty darn fabulous. On the bright side, my hair looked amazing in the light.

*Note: These pictures were three days into the blueness. It was MUCH worse*

As Tobias Funke once said,

Now, here are a list of puns I used in their entirety for those four days.

-Once every blue moon.
-I’ve got the blues.
-I just blue myself.
-I’m blue da ba dee da ba die.

Drink more:

Be strong enough to do this:

Learn how to dance sexy ;D

Eat healthier:

Starting doing Yoga:

Take kickboxing:

Run more:

Have a:

In celebration of Chinese New Year, my Chinese class put together an on campus event for the whole campus to enjoy. I would write more about it, but I’m so exhausted that all I have the energy for is uploading photographs and writing short descriptions. Who knew having to think of what to write could take so much energy.

We were parading around with this dragon all over campus….embarrassing. You don’t even know.

The pink dress I had to wear felt like a nightgown that belonged to anyone’s grandmother. Oy vey.

This is the cutest baby I have ever see by the way…so freaking…..cute.

*I would show pictures from the fashion show…but…I look horrible…I kid you not. Lack of sleep+lack of makeup=horrible looking monster…but there’s another one I have to attend on Friday..so maybe I will post pictures then.*

Jasmine Flower Dance

“I love Beijing Style” Dance

Tomorrow is the day that my fashion show is for my Chinese class. I’m SO nervous it’s ridiculous. I hate when I’m recruited for stuff I don’t want to be in. I have the absolute worst anxiety, and to make things worse, it’s mixed in with my incredibly low self-esteem. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to handle parading myself in front of 50 people in a traditional Chinese dress that doesn’t even fit me….not to mention a certain woman making extremely harsh criticisms about the way I walk.

My picking has gotten a lot worse too, but that is a whole other story in itself. I guess, I’ll just have to give myself positive affirmations like I’ve been reading about, and I’ll cross my fingers that this will work. Just thinking about this event Wednesday is enough to make my heart beat so fast I get feel it throbbing in my chest. I really don’t want to do this, but alas, the show must go on…even if it will be a tragedy.

As some of you may know, Miranda Kerr has written a book titled “Treasure Yourself”. It’s all about how you can improve your body, mind, and spirit. I personally think that this self help book is something that all women who have low self-esteem should read.

From reading this book, I have gained such a high respect for myself. Not only have I learned what amazing things positive affirmations can do for my confidence, but it has helped me understand myself better, as well as every individual around me.

Having said all of that, I have decided to share some of Miranda Kerr’s insights from the book with all of you.

“What you see in yourself is what you see in everyone else around you.”

“You could spend your whole life wishing you were someone else and never really appreciate the person you actually are and the things that you have to offer.”

“Strive to be the best you can be and focus on who are you in each moment.”

“Like a forest that grows back after a fire, there are always new developments taking place. Life happens in cycles; most challenging moments in your life will pass and a new phase of adventure will emerge.”

“Think of failure as education.”

“No one can dictate what I should or shouldn’t do or how I should behave….your opinion of you is all that matters.”

“It’s also important to remember not to lose who we are under the pressure to conform to social expectation of what’s acceptable.”

“A genuine smile is the most confident and attractive thing anyone can wear.”

“Some people are taught to believe that it’s better to be silent than to ‘rock the boat.’ But in my opinion you are worse off if you remain silent because you can find yourself squashing your own desires to accomodate others.”

“It’s important for us to learn to value ourselves enough to stand up for what we know is right and for what we want, otherwise we never get it.”

“There should be a balance in all things. It’s important not to be too passive and let people take advantage of or use you, but equally important being too aggressive or even begrudging will not serve your highest good.”

“Believing in our own capabilities also means knowing and having the means to rely on other sources for information and help if you cannot handle a situation completely on your own.”

“With passion comes belief and determination and a willingness to trust in your instincts.”

“If you go down one career path and then change to another, all that knowledge can add depth to what you are doing now, making your set of skills more unique. There is no such thing as knowledge wasted.”

“I think we need to come up with our own definition of success and not let others define it for us.”

“I believe success is when you feel content with who you are and what you offer to the world.”

“If you are trying to find out what you are passionate about, look closely at the life you already lead.”

“Passionate people feel alive with their unwavering sense of direction in life.”

“Our physical appearance is a major part of our sense of self, yet the defintion of beauty is constantly changing.”

“Beauty is not only physical, it’s a way of thinking about yourself – it comes from within”

“I am who I am, nothing more and nothing less, and so are you.”

“Give up ‘trying to look good’ or ‘trying to avoid looking bad’ and just be authentically who you really are, a new level of freedom and self-expression will emerge.”

“Style is how you express your unique individuality; it’s about the relationship you have with yourself. Fashion on the other hand, is all about the clothes and their relationship to the world or the moment.”

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